Monday, October 31, 2005

OPERATION HALLOWEEN WALLET REVIVAL status: failure

One actual accomplishment today is that I now have my birth certificate in my possession. All I needed was a proof of address to pick up the package.

However, when I went to the DMV they said I needed a clearance letter from the Wisconsin DMV, since my old ID was from Wisconsin. Simple enough, right? All I gotta do is call up the dairy state, have them fax the letter, hand it to the grumpy lady behind the counter along with my birth certificate, and then buy lottery tickets and drink at a bar of my choosing. Wrong! I also needed my social security card.

This is the moment that I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere today, cuz you see, phase three of my plan was "security card now!". I was still in phase two, "license to drive," (the resemblance to title of the 80's Corey Haim movie is intentional).

Is this a Catch 22? Do I need a social security card for my driver's license and a driver's license for my social security card? Am I doomed to have neither, and therefore, no identity for the rest of my life? Will my bar-going friends forget about my existence? Will my country-hopping, passport gripping family fail to remember their own son? Hang on.

I trained it to the social security office, expecting failure. My expectations were met. I would need ID to get a social security card. However, the helpful, and somewhat friendly security/helper dude gave me a list of forms of ID they except and a list of forms they don't except. A birth certificate, a check card, and a proof of address were on the "don't except" list. I thought my car insurance card might work, but the dude said no. On the "do except" list were many things, of which I had none on my person. I did have one at home though. School records. I'm holding it in my hand right now (not really but it's a nice dramatic affect), but the place is closed. I'll have to try another day. And in case school records don't suffice for some strange reason, my replacement health insurance card (a "do except" ID) is on the way to my home. And luckily my parents are devout catholics, so I will have them send me confirmation records ("do except"), that is if they're not traipsing across europe or something.

For now, I will drink beer from the fridge. The only difference being that when I cry in my empty glass, no bartender will be around to replace it.

APROPOS BIG BOWL FORTUNE COOKIE MESSAGE:

Traveling with your family can
be a joyful enjoyment.

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